Intermittent gratification is the most addictive kind there is. If you know the lever will always produce a pellet, you'll push it only as often as you need a pellet. If you know it never produces a pellet, you'll stop pushing.

 

But if the lever sometimes produces a pellet and sometimes doesn't, you'll keep pushing forever, even if you have more than enough pellets (because what if there's a dry run and you have no pellets at all?). It's the motivation behind gambling, collectible cards, most video games, the Internet itself, and relationships with crazy people.

This great write-up on lousy relationships and workplaces really struck a chord with me, especially in regard to relationships with crazy people.

I've tried explaining the process or concept of such to people who have had the rare fortune of never dating anybody crazy. Even people who are in current crazy relationships won't be able to grasp the concept if you explained it to them, because they are suspended in a state of on-the-verge-of-happiness-ness.

So I probably wouldn't have been able to understand this write-up a couple of years ago either. Right now, however, it's crystal clear how a cycle of exhaustion, emotional-involvement and occasional rewards works so well to bind you to an unhealthy relationship.

And seeing how two very different people, in succession, were able to carry out their unique brands of this cycle only makes it more powerful, because it's hard to recognise the pattern when it can put on different cloaks of disguises at each turn.